Real News

[plum]

Oil giant BP has launched an urgent appeal for ‘more birds and small mammals’ to help soak up the massive oil leak afflicting the Gulf of Mexico.

After earlier methods of stopping the leak using engineering methods proved unsuccessful, BP has been forced to resort to the traditional method of using seals, penguins, pelicans and other aquatic animals to mop up the oil from the surface of the ocean using their ultra-absorbent fur or feathers.

‘We understand that the public are concerned about the oil washing ashore,’ said a BP spokesman. ‘But if we can just get enough fluffy or furry animals, we’ll be able to soak up most of it and wring it out into bottles, see? And people said this was going to be some kind of disaster.’

[Lyst]

wtf!? is this serious? :shock:

[stof]

penguins are useless anyway :ugeek:

[bluey]

5 paintings have been stolen in paris, estimated cost : 500 000 000 € :shock:

[Day]

A 4 year old girl was killed by 4 dogs.
R.I.P

Ballack cant play the WC in south africa. Haha

[plum]

Scandal as bags of fresh air found to be bulked out with crisps

Some of Britain’s major supermarket chains are facing the wrath of trading standards officers following reports that their own-brand bags of fresh air are being half-filled with crisps in order to bulk out the packaging.

According to a report by the Office of Fair Trading (OFT), supermarkets are using this tactic to make packets look fuller. ‘The consumer thinks she’s getting value for money,’ wrote one investigator, ‘but in reality what she thinks is a family-size bag of air mainly consists of a fried potato snack.’

Sainburys is one of those under fire, with their premium bags of Sandbanks Sea Air consisting of up to 50% sea salt and malt vinegar crisps and their Atmosphere of Kobe Beef Grazing Pasture containing a staggering 70% Fillet Steak crinkle-cut potato chips. Rivals Asda are also on the defensive, after their budget Bugger-All and Sweet F.A. packs were found to contain over 30g of scampi and bacon flavour fries respectively.

The OFT has urged supermarkets to follow the lead of the household names of such as Walkers, whose snacks contain a ratio of 10% crisp to 90% fresh air – the 10% being the minimum industry standard amount of fried potato ballast needed to stop the bags being blown off the shelves.

The supermarkets have hit back at the allegations, with one industry spokesman calling for the air/crisp ratio to be reviewed: ‘If the OFT wants to dispute this, then we are more than happy to take them on in the courts, unless the case amicably settles in transit.’